I’m going to challenge some assumptions here and maybe get some flack. But I believe kids don’t want stuff. They’re trained to “think” they want stuff.
That training comes from their observations at home and of an out-of-control consumerist society. They see advertising campaigns that appear on television, in movies, on the internet, and even the school system. Schools? Yes. Teachers are selling ad space on quizzes, school districts are getting official sponsorships from Coke or Pepsi, schools are selling advertising on notes that go home with parents. It’s even extending out to lockers and buses.
It’s a 24/7 consumer culture. Remember what it was like when you were a kid, seeing those Captain Crunch ads on t.v. and Amazing Sea Monkeys in the backs of comic books? Well magnify those advertising messages by a 1000 and you’re coming close to what kids are being subjected to nowadays. But I still say kids don’t want stuff.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want love.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want encouragement when they try new things.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want a parent who has time to listen.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want someone to inspire them to dream big.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want a tree to climb and a fort to build.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want to be respected.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want a hug when they’re down and a hug when they’re up.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want to feel like their opinions matter.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want honesty, generosity, kindness and support.
Kids don’t want stuff.
They want a family that laughs together, talks together, plays together, and works through issues together.
And you know something? It doesn’t matter how old we are. We’re all kids inside.
Sometimes life spins you around and faces you in a new direction. That’s what happened to me over the last two weeks.
It all started with a simple question from Jenny at Ex-Consumer. She asked me from some tips for packrat kids. My reply to her comment ended up turning into a series of posts. It should have been really freakin’ simple to answer that question guys and gals! But I was inspired and I realized I had a lot to say on the subject. Not because I’ve got kids, but because I was a packrat kid too.
Somewhere along the way Jenny left a comment and asked, “Why don’t you write an e-book on kids clutter.”
No, no, no. Not in my plans. It would be hypocritical for a person without kids to write about kids clutter. #1 rule to writing is write what you know. Well darn it. Writing a book on kids clutter wasn’t in my plans at all, but then I found myself thinking about it late at night while I should be sleeping, plotting out chapters while walking on the beach, and pretty much UNABLE to get Jenny’s idea out of my head.
Uh folks. That’s when you know you gotta do something. I may not have kids, but I’ve been a kid. And I remember what I wanted when I was a kid. I wanted my parents attention. I wanted their love. Their encouragement. Their time. Along the way it translated over to me wanting stuff, because sometimes, when you’ve got two busy parents stuff is a lot easier to get than all those other intangible things.
I realize I’ve got a lot to say on the subject and I’m gonna write a darn fine book on kids clutter.
Now I’m asking for your help dear minimalist packrat fan.
1) If you know of a book on kids clutter rather than kids organizing, please share the title in the comments section.
2) If you’ve got kids and you’ve got clutter, please ask your questions in the comments section. I’m going to use some of the questions in the book.
3) If you’ve got ideas for a topic you really want to see covered in the book, please let me know in the comments!
4) If you’ve got an awesome title idea, I’d looooove to hear it! Or you can even just vote on the titles I’ve come up with so far. Right now I’ve got Clutter Kids, Kids Clutter Survival Guide, and The Kids Clutter Handbook as title ideas.
Hi there,
I’ve got 3 kids (2, 4 & 5 yrs) and they create lots of clutter! I am constantly struggling to contain or remove their clutter. They do heaps of art and craft, which is great, but where do you put it? And they have fantastic, generous grandparents, who give them LOTS of things, which again creates clutter. I feel guilty too, when I don’t buy them “enough” of a birthday or Christmas present! I’m beginning to see that I am a big part in creating their clutter by how many clothes and toys I buy them and by not being thoughtful enough when I purchase something. It’s been a slow journey of learning for me, actually realising I was part of the problem. I also realise that I need to begin to teach them that more isn’t necessarily better.
My oldest is a real packrat and we find little bits of rubbish really, secreted in boxes and tins all over his room, he frequently loses his drink bottle (he has two of them) because it is just so messy in there. And I am sick of cleaning his room every week, just to find the floor.
We actually got the grandparents to contribute towards swimming lessons for Christmas, which was awesome, but they still felt they had to buy them all something for Christmas Day:(
Love your kids clutter series so far, it’s opening my eyes a bit, and you have some great ideas, thank-you!
Hi Stef,
Thank you so much for sharing. A common theme I keep hearing is that presents and grandparents is a big issue for many people. I’ll definitely be including sections on this issue in particular!
Here’s my kids clutter battle: artwork!!!
My son comes home from kindy with two or three drawings/paintings, plus the piles of drawings he does on days at home. I’m looking for a system by which I can display one or two current ones, keep the landmark drawings and writing, keep a few pieces for wrapping paper, and bin the rest. At the moment we keep getting piles of drawings collecting on the dining table.
I certainly agree with you that kids don’t need stuff. We have far more toys than we need, and they don’t all get played with, yet we have far less toys than a lot of other families.
Susan recently posted..To drive- or not to drive
Hey Susan. There’s a Website called LittleDavinci.com that allows you to upload scanned copies of your child’s artwork and create an online art gallery for your child for free. I haven’t tried it yet, but I’ve heard great things about it.
Jenny @ exconsumer recently posted..Cheaper Phone Service Using a VoIP
Hi Susan,
Thanks for chiming on the kids artwork issue. Jenny’s idea is a good one for people who can be satisfied with digital copies. (Thanks for sharing that resource Jenny.) Artwork (and saved schoolwork) will definitely be added to the book!
Just thinking… what if at the end of the week (or month), you sit down with your child and pick 3 or 4 of their favorite pieces. Share some time talking and asking questions about the drawings. The drawings he or she (or you) pick will be more special because they were specifically chosen.
And to add on the the digital copies idea, it might be nice to create a book (like iPhoto, lulu.com, or blurb.com) of drawings for birthdays, holidays, etc. It’s even a great gift to give to family members!
jamie recently posted..My first blooms of the season are a-comin’! I actually
Yeah, I think just keeping the “best” stuff is the way to go. I don’t keep things that are just like gluing cotton balls on paper or something that all the kids in the class just had to make the same way. I keep original drawings, writings and paintings only, especially if took some effort, I don’t keep every piece of paper my toddler scribbles on! If you save a huge pile, you won’t even want to look through it someday because it will be too daunting! I fill up a banker’s size box every two years or so, so I am keeping quite a bit.
Tanja – Hurray! I’m SO happy you’ve decided to go for it. I don’t think you need to have kids to write a book on kid’s clutter. Like you said, you’ve been a kid. And I would say you’re definitely uniquely qualified to advise others on clutter — no matter whose clutter it is.
The big question I would like answered is:
How do I convince my kids’ grandparents from going overboard with too many gifts for special occasions? If I could put a stop to it without seeming ungrateful or hurting their feelings, that would be a bonus!
As far as titles, I like all of them, but simple always wins for me. Clutter Kids is my favorite.
You rock!
Jenny @ exconsumer recently posted..Cheaper Phone Service Using a VoIP
Hi Jenny
We found a good way to deal with the grandparents issue is to just tell them you are trying to teach your kids to value relationships in and of themselves and not for what people will give you or buy for you. We told our mothers that their company and spending time with our some was enough of a treat for our son and sitting down and reading a book, or coloring, or doing a puzzle would mean more to him as he grew older. It took awhile for my mom to understand this. She felt guilty because she showered/showers my sisters kids with toys and wanted to be “fair”.” She also thought I was taking the joy of seeing him open the gift away from her. So I think her feelings wee a little hurt at first. But as she has developed a relationship with my son that is not based on buying things, she sees that what we are trying to do can work in everyone’s best interest.
jaime recently posted..the rest of the house
Hey Jenny,
That’s what I’m leaning towards as well for the title, Clutter Kids. It’s always good to get feedback though (and see if someone has a stellar title idea I’ve overlooked!)
Steph also brought up the grandparents issue. There’s going to be a WHOLE chapter on that one for sure. Thanks for seconding her request for it. :)
OH! And how could I forget. Thank you Jenny for the prompt. You’re the one who put the idea of this book in my head. That idea took root and started to grow! It’s funny how sometimes one chance thing someone says can send someone else in a whole new direction. Thank you. It feels really “right” to me and I’ll never forget that it was you who spurred me on to do it. :)
It must have been meant to be Tanja. I’m so glad that my seeking your advice set you on a new path to explore. It’s definitely an area that needs attention, and I can’t think of anyone better to cover it.
Of course, I don’t really believe in coincidences either. ;)
Jenny @ exconsumer recently posted..I Want to Hear YOUR Deepest- Darkest- Debt Secrets!
Right on, Tanja! Or, Write on!, as the case may be. I haven’t come across any books about kid clutter so far. I know our public library doesn’t have any.
I remember climbing trees and building forts as a child. Happy days, those.
Hey Tracy,
Write on! Writing on is always a lovely thing. :) Thanks also for confirming what I’ve been discovering. It seems kids clutter just hasn’t been explored so much (in book form). I’ve found lots of books on organizing and cleaning and time management for families but nothing specifically focused as a book 100% for parents to deal with their children’s clutter.
I was surprised when I spent 4 hours on Amazon the other day looking and came up blank. I did order 2 books on simple living for kids and a few more that were marginally on the subject talking more about organizing and cleaning for a family. My library didn’t have any either. Weird! I would have thought the topic had been covered a thousand times over with a thousand books called some variation of kids clutter!
Climbing trees and building forts. Ahhhh. I used to build snow forts in Finland and sheet/couch forts in Florida.
As a Mum of two I totally agree – totally!!!!
Going to throw a cheeky link in here Tanja before I ask my question!
The Greatest Gift I Can Give My Children This Christmas
I am just about to tackle the Kids clutter (again) – but I find it incredibly hard. As a child I didn’t have a lot, most of what I did have was hand me downs (my sister was 14 years older – so I’d read comics etc from a different decade!), and I learnt to keep toys forever because they didn’t get replaced. I think this is the reason behind my reluctance to throw away their things – it’s kind of hard-wired. I really struggle! Any advice anyone?
ps – Just come off the phone from a professional organiser who has kindly agreed to do a post and some Q&A for me – I’ll ask her if she knows of any resources…
Jo@simplybeingmum recently posted..Faminimalism – The Suburban Minimalist’s Story
You’re so cheeky Jo. :) Link away! That was a beautiful post. Out of the gazillion presents I got as a kid the only present I remember with tremendous fondness is my E.T. sleeping bag. I don’t even know why, but I thought it would make me really “cool” with the other girls during slumber parties. Beautiful post Jo!
Hey Jo, when that organizer does the Q and A will you post the link here or over on your site? I’d love to read it!
This announcement is very exciting, and I’m sure there are many of us that want you to write the book tonight and release it tomorrow : )
I love your list above. I am going to be printing that out and putting it next to my parenting manifesto that I read weekly.
I’ve already shared some of my ideas with you, but I’ll be brainstorming to see if any more come to me.
Jill Foley recently posted..Boot Camp – Day 23 – Take 2
Thank you Jill. Your support means so much to me. You were one of my very first blogger friends you know!
I just wish I could shout a big AMEN to all your statements in the mid-section! I raised 4 kids, and I have 7 grandkids. My oldest daughter has 6 of those grandchildren.
For so long, we did not give our kids lots of stuff because we did not have the money. Eventually though, we realized that our kids liked to do stuff with us, go places with us, experience things with us. We homeschooled for 8 years and we were full time self-employed during 5 of those years. We spent a good bit of time on the road taking our kids to state parks and historical sites.
My oldest daughter has the same mentality as we do about this, and her kids don’t have much *stuff*. They enjoy playing together and pretending, and they spend a good bit of time experiencing life together.
My son had a baby with his fiance last September. Fiance was raised being given stuff or being sent outside to play with cousins. She was raised by a single mother and by grandparents. Now she already spends lots of money on buying name brand clothes and all kinds of baby paraphanalia and the baby is just 6 months old. I am trying to encourage my son to spend more time at the park pushing the stroller and watching ducks than pushing her around the mall looking at stuff. He gets it, because he was raised that way, but they are struggling to mesh their 2 backgrounds.
Okay. I think I hijacked your post. I get a little bit passionate about this topic, if you can’t tell! Sorry!
Bernice
Living the Balanced Life recently posted..Don’t live in default mode
“Eventually though, we realized that our kids liked to do stuff with us, go places with us, experience things with us.”
Yes! Bernice that is the crux of what I think is going on in society today. There just isn’t enough emphasis on “real quality time” spent together as families. As a kid that’s what I was always after. I wanted to go camping and hiking with my family, anything away from the t.v., but inevitably it was the Saturday morning (and afternoon) cartoons that kept me company. Good for you on how you raised your children, and you definitely won’t be one of those troublesome “gift-wielding” grandparents folks were talking about above. I’m sure once your son’s house gets filled up his wife will start to have second thoughts about 1001 gifts and toys for a baby.
Your timing is amazing Tanja!
Just yesterday my wife and I were in the grocery store, following a young mother and her 6 or 7 year old daughter down the aisle. The daughter was buzzing around the cart snatching things off the shelves and thrusting them at her mother, asking, ”Can I have this?”, “I need this.”, “I want this.”, “Will you get me this?”.
Obviously the girl wasn’t even looking at the things she was grabbing, so she could not be convinced that she needed or wanted those items. What in the world was going on here?
I’ve seen it before… and you just pegged it. The little girl desperately wanted the attention of her mother, and obviously wasn’t getting it… now or at home.
Books on the subject… I can’t think of a single one at the moment. But will think on that.
Title: I like De Clutter Kids, or maybe De Klutter Kids (kind of a double-play of words with the German inflection) but then I’m kinda weird, so…
Don’t let the fact that you don’t have any kids (yet) stop you… Dr Spock didn’t raise any children either… (but then he was completely wrong in most of his assumptions, wasn’t he) but careful research and conversation with parents you know can provide a wealth of information for your book. Go for it!
Allan Douglas recently posted..Yahoo Mountain Dew!
I’m sorry, but I really must say that I don’t go in for explaining the behaviour of children I don’t know. You have no idea what that child is like at home or how much attention she gets. Children act out in public places. It’s how they test their boundaries. She probably did want the attention of her mother, but there’s nothing to say that she wasn’t getting that attention also at home.
Tanja, I have a different take on what children need vs. want. They also want more parental attention than they need. I really believe it is important for parents to also step back and let a child play independently or with other children. I’m interested in REI. It’s a little nutty about some things. Unlike what they suggest, I have a highchair and used a bouncy seat and swing. But I like its take on play for babies and toddlers and toddler discipline. http://www.janetlansbury.com (Ms. Lansbury has a lovely welcoming writing style. A little like yours!)
I would recommend you either get a great minimalist mother (or ten) to help you write this book. Your outsider perspective is great. One of my fav parenting books is buy a non-parent. But it won’t help you with the psychology and fears attached to parenting. And you probably only remember being an older child. Toddlerhood and babyhood also come with clutter and it generally starts in the womb!
The one thing I am always annoyed by is when people go around telling mothers what they don’t need for babies or children. There were many items different writers (whom I like) advocated against buying which I loved. I used a breastfeeding pillow and it was really important to my success at breastfeeding. And I also recieved and bought stuff that wasn’t so helpful. Every child is different. Every parent is different. There’s a huge difference between asking readers to question the utility of their stuff and telling them what to buy or not buy.
I’d really like to have your take on how to gently explain to grandparents and others that less is sometimes more. I know lots of people suggest asking for money, but I already get that. (The rents and inlaws are generous) They still like to buy stuff! I don’t mind too much, but it sometimes gets out of hand. My little one is young, so I just pitch what he’s not using. But when he gets older, that won’t be possible. I also have a hard time getting people to buy what I think are quality toys because they are too simple. I had to buy a set of blocks. They seem attracted to all the cuteness and bells and whistles.
Hi Dee,
It definitely takes a delicate balance and every caregiver will find that balance for themselves. My list in this post wasn’t intended as an all-inclusive guide of what children want :). It’s a list I made of things that I wanted as a child. And you’re definitely right, needs and wants can be two very different things. Independence and alone time are very important even though I didn’t include them in my list.
“There’s a huge difference between asking readers to question the utility of their stuff and telling them what to buy or not buy.” You are absolutely right my dear. My book is going to focus very specifically on kids clutter. There will be a side note of simple living practices that parents can choose to implement, but definitely not a list of “you shouldn’t buy this or that”.
I appreciate what you wrote because it gives me an insight into what you’ve read and what appealed to you and what turned you off. One of the books I considered getting for my research was one by Elaine St. James on simple living with kids. When I read the reviews I decided against buying it because she had accidentally managed to anger many parents with her suggestions! My book isn’t going to be on parenting practices. It is going to be on kids clutter and kids stuff and how adults can shape their homes in a simpler way while respecting and honoring the emotions of those they live with. I don’t know why, but I seem to have an insight into how to help people part with their stuff. A weird gift but you take what’s given to you! I have the insight of someone who started “collecting” at a very young age and kept “collecting” until my 30′s. That’s what I’m bringing to the table.
Thanks for sharing Dee and there will definitely be a section on grandparents and gifts. :)
Hey Allan,
The supermarket story you shared outlines my feelings exactly. Thanks for the encouragement! De Clutter Kids is cute! I’m going to think on that one.
So I’ve been thinking a lot and have come up with some ideas…
1. minimalist wardrobes (think project 33 for kids) – my suggestions for this is if your kids are old enough, observe what they choose to wear. Kids, like most adults, wear only 20% of their clothes. Learn what your kids like to wear and eliminate the rest.
2. books – I do believe having access to the written word at home builds interest in reading and ultimately learning. We have a lot of books, but we also use our library regularly. Right now we have over 60 library books in our home!
3. toys – limit toys to ones that build imagination (blocks, legos, animal figurines, etc). Avoid toys that serve only one purpose (or no purpose at all). Take notice (and point out to your kids) what items your kids play with that aren’t toys. My kids love blankets – they spread them out on the floor, they build forts, they wrap them around their shoulders like capes… My kids also like rocks and shells, and play with them regularly.
4. Birthdays – I feel like I could write a whole book on this and I’m afraid my stance might not be very popular. In our house, birthdays are family events. We do not throw parties and invite friends (we also avoid going to parties we might be invited to). Our children get to choose what kind of cake they want – and they decorate it (with our help). I decorate their doorway with streamers and also the dining room. They choose what they get to eat for each meal – sometimes we have a special family outing (zoo, children’s museum) and then get dinner somewhere (restaraunt is child’s choice). There are a few gifts to open, but mostly from grandparents. Our gift to our children is a fun day, filled with memories.
5. Limit activities – this goes along with your Life Plan in your Boot Camp. Do the same with your kids and limit what they are allowed to participate in. Contrary to popular belief, you do not need to expose your children to every possible activity offered. Play soccer with your kids in your backyard instead of involving them in a league. Get a friend to show your daughter some simple ballet steps. By limiting your child’s activities, you are giving your children time; time to create, time to play, time to be children.
6. Become an expert of your child. If your child loves dinosaurs, it doesn’t mean he or she wants 500 dinosaur toys. Your child wants to learn about them with you. If your child loves ballet, it doesn’t mean she or he wants 50 ballet costumes. She wants to play ballet lessons with you. I have a child who loves to draw – simple – paper and pen. I have another who loves to color – coloring books and markers.
Children are simple beings – I think we end up complicating them by giving them too many choices!
I might have more later, but that’s all for now.
Jill Foley recently posted..Boot Camp – Day 23 – Take 2
That’s EXACTLY what I want to make birthdays in our house!
Susan recently posted..To drive- or not to drive
Jill these are amazing suggestions!
jaime recently posted..the rest of the house
Oh, and we do a birthday thing, but we have decided to keep it low key – cake, ice cream, close friends, simple games. I used to think I wanted super themed birthday parties, but now I just think it is important to mark the day with simple traditions I love that your children help decorate their cake.
As for the clothes – we have tried be pretty minimalist in this department. Although, this fall/winter, I went a little overboard with cute plaid button downs. I will be going back to the basics this summer – 5 tshirts, 5 shorts, a long sleeve hoodie for cold nights, 2 pair of long pants, and tennis shoes. Done.
jaime recently posted..the rest of the house
Jill,
What a fount of wisdom you are. Thank you for sharing those tips with everyone. I love your birthday concept. My niece had one big “kids party”. She got anxious and then she got sick. Nerves? Too much stimulation? All of her other birthday’s since then have been smaller family affairs with a trip to do something fun. More low-key and more to her liking.
You said it perfect. Children are simple beings and we complicate them!
I was actually inspired to write a post about birthdays – thanks for making me think!
Jill Foley recently posted..Kid and Clutter – Play Offensively
I bet it’s going to be a lovely post!
Jill – thanks so much for some great ideas on birthday parties! I was wondering – do you have any strategies for convincing generous grandparents/aunts/uncles/etc to limit the amount of presents that they give? I’ve managed to convince some of our family members to limit it to one present (toy, book, etc) and if they really feel like spending more money, to give to my kids’ education savings. But others think that money for education is “not a real present” or “boring” and I’m at a loss as to how to handle everything that comes in!
Tanja – As I’m reading this, I was waiting to do a radio interview about my 2 books on clutter control. They are specifically written for moms (and I am a mother of 3) but more importantly I grew up in a 3 bedroom house with 6 kids. So I know about clutter & small spaces. My books are called Absolutely Organized, and Absolutely Organize Your Family. I give techniques on getting kids involved with the clearing out & keeping up with their stuff. I also talk about teaching your children this life skill. It’s about helping them make choices with their time, their stuff and their spaces. I would love for you to read & review them.
BTW I agree, kids don’t want stuff. We have so much more to give them!
Hey Debbie,
Congrats on your radio interview. Very exciting! And thanks for stopping by and sharing your titles. Is the strong theme in your books kids clutter? From the Amazon write-up it sounds like they might be a mix of life organizing, home organizing, cleaning and decluttering.
I’ve found lots of books that are about organizing for a family, but I haven’t found any that are specifically 100% focused on decluttering kids clutter. (That’s sort of what I meant when I said I couldn’t find any, I meant specifically focused on dealing with kids clutter rather than on a variety of topics).
If you’re two books have a big focus on kids clutter (at least 3 chapters devoted to it) I’ll definitely check them out!
My first book has chapters on toys, kids clothes, kids bedrooms, family room set up and how to keep your minivan equipped for kids but not cluttered. The second book has chapters on toys, kids collections, artwork, sports equipment, electronics, memorabilia, school work, school bags, desks & lockers. The focus is on working with your kids to unclutter and create a system that is easy to maintain. I also talk about uncluttering the kids schedules – a big issue for families today. So I guess the second book is more of what you’re talking about.
If you email me your address, I’d be happy to send you a copy.
Thank you for the kind offer Debbie! I’ll send my address over your way. Very much appreciated :)
Birthday Parties are horrible for accumulating clutter. I have 4 children, here’s what we’ve done for our boys the past few years (they’re now 5, 7 and 9 – my daughter is 11). We gave the boys a choice between having 1 friend and his family over for dinner (boy gets to choose – or heavily influnce the menu) or to have 1 large, combined party (their birthdays are close together). One year we had the 3 individual family dinners – we ended up with 3 presents, and as they were close friends they asked for ideas, so we received gifts that fit in with pre-existing collections (e.g. LEGO), and last year we had a combined party with over 20 boys, and we specified no presents – it was an easy sell, would party-goers give just 1 boy a gift, or all 3? We had a treasure hunt, where we “found” a home-made pinata after running all over town (the splash pad, the park, etc. etc.). So no gifts after that party, and a great time had by all!
Hey Anna,
What an inspiring tale of how to have a “giftless” birthday party. Thank you so much for sharing that!
I taught birthday parties at a nature center for awhile. It was great fun! My favorite parties were the “no present” variety — less mess to clean up (for all involved), and more time for playing, which is what the kids really want to do. Kids typically had 5-12 guests at the party (sometimes more!), and it is so boring for little ones to sit through that many presents being opened. Seriously, the best parties I did were ones where I had plenty of time to take the kids exploring outdoors, and then they just came in for a little treat before the parents came to pick them up.
Leah recently posted..101 things
Josh Becker’s son wrote a post about toys on Josh’s blog recently. You might want to get his (and other kids’) input and testimonies.
Willow recently posted..March Begins With Small Things
Hey Willow,
I read that post. Actually I read everything on Becoming Minimalist. :)
I love his perspective and his son’s post was wonderful. I’ve been thinking I’ll probably approach some of the minimalist family bloggers to contribute a little. I’d love to get even just a paragraph or one short inspiration from each of them. Thanks for the kick to make it happen. :)
I feel as though we have our toy clutter somewhat under control, but it takes some energy and diligence to manage it. Most of our children’s toys have come from family and friends. Thanks to your post, today, I was mindful of what my kids and I had the most fun with – my 16 month old played with pots and pans. My 6 year old had a good time racing Hot Wheels cars inside a rolled up area rug (he refused to play with his Hot Wheels battery-powered race track instead), and we had a blast with a laundry basket and a tennis ball – it kept us entertained for an hour or more. I was contemplating “fasting” from toys for a day a week, just to see how creative we could be with ordinary items and to show my kids that lots of toys are unecessary. I think the most rich memories come from simple things and lots of laughing. I think this is a wonderful subject, and your post was very insightful. Good luck with the book!
Hi Katy,
Thanks so much for sharing that! I think you’re idea of a week long toy “fast” is very brave and very exciting. I’d love to hear how it turns out if you end up doing it. I could see even a one week toy reduction being exciting, especially if you sell it to your kids as a big fun experiment in getting creative. :)
Great idea Tanja! Often advice for parents by childless people can be much more sensible. They dont have any kind of bias that says all kids are like their kid, they haven’t had to lose their childlike sense of wonder so much in the pursuit of being the sensible adult, and they have had more time and money at their disposal to become experts in their field. Incidentally, the character of Peter Pan was modelled around the kind of joy and exuberant spirit as seen on the faces of “women who have no children.” But, I digress.
I reckon any kid faced with the choice of staying inside on the Playstation or chasing frogs in the backyard, would say the Playstation in theory, but be much happier with the frogs in practise! Kids want and need community just as much as adults, if not more, and all my fond memories of childhood involve friends, games, sports, parks and parties. None of them involve things. That has to count for something!
Hi Mia,
Thanks for the words of encouragement on a “childless author” writing a kids clutter book! It was definitely the reason I discarded Jenny’s idea off the bat. But then I couldn’t get it out of my head… and I like to live by intuition and what I’m drawn towards. I figure there must be a reason I couldn’t get it out of my head. :) Your words help me know that people wouldn’t automatically dismiss the book because I’m not a parent.
Hee, hee. I loved what you said about Peter Pan. Yeah, I guess I never lost my childlike sense of wonder… and um… I forgot to grow up too! I always consider that I’m either acting as my 6 year old self, my 16 year old self, or my “actual age” which is perpetually set at 29 years old. (what? Patrick says I’m really 36)
I think this is an awesome idea Tanja! I don’t have children (hope to some day) but I constantly think how can you raise a child in this constant consumerism society? How can you teach kids to love the simple life with 24/7 commercial feed, spoiling grandparents, and the ‘cell phone’ pressure at school? I think instilling in your children to value a simple life will help them immensely in the future, protecting your kids from >$30,000 of debt by the time their 25. That alone motivates me.
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Hi Laura,
Yes! It seems like the “community” energy has been lost somewhere along the way and a family unit is so very small compared to a whole community of neighbors, extended family and friends. I’ve been lucky to see the flip side in Arkansas where there is a strong simple living energy and it feels much more community. There are alternative community schools and even in the mainstream culture it’s different than most big cities. I was shocked when I heard that people who went through the Fayetteville school systems actually enjoyed their school years and felt like it had enriched their lives. What???!!?? Less bling, more real life.
Oh wow, that is awesome. I love the idea of community schools, and that it takes a village to raise a child (or even an adult). Never thought I would say this but I think I might need to move to Arkansas :)
Thanks so much Tanja, reading your post reminded me what a fun childhood I had, using my imagination, playing with my sister, inventing our adventures as we went along.
You’re so right. It doesn’t matter how old we are. Reading your list of what kids really want, I thought, “that’s what I want, too. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”
Thank you for an encouraging beginning to my day! :)
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Hey Laurie,
I’m glad you enjoyed it! And yes, all those adventures in the imagination are often stronger experiences and memories than anything that was bought from a store.
Wonderful idea! Why don’t you do what you do best, get a friend with the kids’ clutter problem to be your guinea pig and make it a case study for the book? That solves the no kids problem. Or maybe two completely different case studies, one a family with a lot of kids, the other with maybe one or two really messy kids? Then the family with the over-generous grandparents, etc. Then of course interview a bunch of kids or people who remember being a kid and what they really wanted when they were young. This could snowball!
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Oh, those are good ideas Meg! You’ve got my brain juices flowing now. I love it! Thanks for the inspiration…
I am so excited that you are going to write this book. Of course, as an academic who writes about things that I have no experience with, and knows countless people in many fields who do the same, I don’t think it is a problem that you do not have children. Everyone is capable of research! I know that the book will be amazing. I agree with Mia, that not having children may actually help you be more balanced in your advice. I for one am looking forward to what you have to say. I think it might be a good idea to tackle the project by dividing it into developmental stags or age ranges, because each stage comes with its own set of challenges. I think it would also be really beneficial for parents to add a section about handling gift giving from family members and friends. It seems like most people need advice on how to handle this issue with people who may not share the same philosophy about toy clutter, etc…
Have fun with the research and writing!
ps – the list above is amazing. Like Jill, I will also be printing it out for weekly review.
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Hi Jaime,
Thanks for your words of encouragement! I am definitely going to be adding a whole chapter on grandparents and a whole chapter on birthdays, holidays and presents. That seems to be the one resounding thing that everyone feels is a huge issue.
Research. Yay! It’s really weird but I love doing research. My poppa taught me how when I was just a little kid and those lessons have stuck with me through my life. (Thanks Dad). I’ve already ordered 10 books on Amazon as a start and I’ll be doing lots of interviews with people along the way as well. Glad you enjoyed the list Jamie!
Hey Tanja,
Awesome! I’m looking forward to seeing your kids clutter ebook – I’m sure you’ll have lots of practical advice to impart. (And no, I haven’t seen any ebooks that target this topic, so way to go.)
I must say that I agree with Dee’s comment above – you will probably want to consult with/quote some minimalist and critically-consuming parents as you write and research. As a parent, I’m wary of non-parents telling parents (because ultimately, it’s the mamas and the papas who make the buying and keeping decisions for the first 15 or so years) what they should or should not buy, value, pitch out, or do when it comes to their kids. Just tread carefully, is what I’m sayin’.
That said, I’m looking forward to hearing more on this topic! My kid’s going through a “don’t throw away my baby toys” phase…aie aie aie.
take care,
Lisa
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Hi Lisa,
I’ve gone around the sun long enough to know that politics and religion are hot topics but nothing compared to questioning someone else’s parenting skills! Not that I’ve been on the judgmental side but I’ve been around and heard it from others plenty. It can unleash a maelstrom! I definitely won’t be doing that and I appreciate you and Dee sharing your perspectives on this. We”l see how well I’m able to toe the line. :) Being a person who tries not to focus on black or white solutions but instead respects many shades of gray I think I’ll be all right. Maybe I’ll run the book by you and Dee before it’s released. I think you two will be my biggest critics (in a good way). :)
wow looks like there is a lot of use for this topic from the amount of comments! i don’t have kids either, but i would love to hear more about how to stop it before it starts as i do want to have kids someday very soon. :)
i like this title the best: Kids Clutter Survival Guide
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Hi Marianney,
It definitely seems as though this topic hits home for a lot of people. I’m really excited about it. I’ve ordered around a dozen books for research and I’m starting the first steps of developing my book structure. Thanks for sharing your thought on the book title. The one you chose is Patrick’s title idea. So now I’ve got one vote for this one and one vote for De Clutter Kids.
Great idea! And…. it’s so true, kids don’t want stuff! Stuff (especially modern toys) block their creativity and just leaves them bored with all of their options. (I love how one of the little boys in ‘frontier house’ [I believe a series from 2002?] says that if you don’t have many options, you’ll play with the toys you have, but with all these choices, you just get bored..)
I would love to see one thing and that is…. how other minimalist (or just ‘sensible’!) parents have dealt with the over generous grandparents / relatives. Because although it’s pretty simple for us to keep ourselves and our kids (peer pressure, etc.) into check, the grandparents are a totally different story…. sigh!
Best wishes from the Netherlands :)
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Hey Jurino,
Maybe the book should really be a handbook for handling clutter grandparents! This topic of gifts from relatives is definitely the one that most people have mentioned. At first I was thinking I would do a chapter on it, but now I’m thinking it’s going to be a much bigger part of the book with probably at least 3 chapters dedicated to the trixy issue of well-meaning relatives, kids gifts and holidays.
The Organized Student:Teaching Children the Skills for Success in School and Beyond
Where’s My Stuff: The Ultimate Teen Organizing Guide
10-Minute Clutter Control For Kids: Hundreds of Proven Tips Even Kids Can Do!
Organizing from the Inside Out for Teenagers: The Foolproof System for Organizing Your Room, Your Time, and Your Life
There are definitely more resources out there, if you give me some time I can search through my 3 year email archive of the NAPO list serve that I have.
I still think there is a vacuum, however the community as a whole is targeting brain development and patterns rather than just “here’s a way to deal with clutter”. So you might be on track, especially if the book is TO children, and helps them reason through on a child’s level their stuff, rather than to adults teaching children.
There was an initiative several years ago to teach organizing in the classroom, and it was quite successful, I unfortunately didn’t sign up to do it, but I wished I had.
“The story of stuff” is quiet simple for late elementary kids to understand, I wonder if you could aim it to a personal level but be that would cause them to think about their own stuff and how they think about it.
From what I read here you are more about reducing stuff than you are actual organizing which might create even more of a niche for you, and make your writing very interesting if aimed at kids.
Just ideas.
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
Thanks for sharing those resources with me. I suppose I wasn’t as clear as I meant to be, that I was looking for books that specifically targeted helping parents get rid of kids clutter. There are a lot on organizing and I did run across a few that were written for kids, but I didn’t see any that were specifically written for parents that didn’t go into organizing. I will look through the list you sent me. Thanks a lot! The one on 10 Minute Clutter Control for Kids I looked at a while back on Amazon but didn’t order it because the description made it sound like it was much more about organizing their stuff rather than decluttering their stuff. I did order about a dozen books from Amazon on organizing kids clutter and I’m waiting for them to arrive.
I’m probably weird but I feel there is a huge difference between organizing stuff and decluttering stuff. I read so many books on organizing my clutter (when I was downsizing) and I was always on the search for the ones that were specifically focused on just decluttering (they were the gems that helped me anyways). I have a weird motto. Declutter first. Organize later.
I’m not as familiar with the brain development research you mentioned. It sounds like something that parents would be very interested in, but I’m probably not going to be looking into that sort of information. I want to avoid talking about how to parent in my book and instead keep it really tight on how parents can declutter kids stuff, create healthy boundaries for stuff in their home (so kids clutter doesn’t encroach on common areas) and a big emphasis on controlling what stuff comes into the home in the first place (the grandparent and gift factor). I’ll probably also include a small section on simple living with kids but it will be just a few chapters of the book.
Thanks for sharing all of this Sarah. You’ve helped me consolidate my thoughts on what the book is and isn’t going to be about.
Glad I could help! If you ever want to chat, I’ve always got a good listening ear for refining and processing ideas.
De-cluttering is one of the first steps in organizing so that’s why you find a lot of cross over even though it is an entity all it’s own. I agree, it’s MUCH easier to organize fewer possessions than a lot, I’ve been in so many homes where the client wanted to keep everything but have it organized. It was agonizing work. One of the reasons I loved Peter Walsh’s style of organizing because he focused on getting rid of most of it!
If you already have a lot of stuff (clutter) reading a book about implementing systems (organizing) will give you a brain cramp for sure. I can empathize.
It’s good to know your book will be to parents in dealing with children – for a while I thought it was written to a child (which would be very unique btw I don’t think there is a child’s book on clutter, as opposed to a teen book.)
I was fortunate to have a mom who walked me through that process many times over. It was a regular, reoccurring project of what I played with and what I didn’t. She was a minimalist before there was such a term without a negative connotation!
In a few months I’m going to video tape me getting rid of almost all my worldly goods so people can see how it’s done and it ain’t gonna be pretty, I do love my stuff. I married a Canadian and can’t move my things up (just personal items) so I’m parting with everything now that it’s been in storage for a year. We also have debt so I can’t replace things. I won’t even touch organizing things because by the time we’re done I won’t need to basically the purge will be so drastic. I’ll also walk myself through the decision process on my own and I’ve begun to plan ahead and come up with strategies to deal with the emotions.
And again if you’d like to chat you are more than welcome to!
Sarah
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Bit of anecdotal info for you… I was a packrat when I had first born and an aspiring minimalist when I had second and boy can you tell in their behaviour!
Jo@simplybeingmum recently posted..Do Good- Declutter and Donate Your Denim!
Wow Jo. I’m going to be in touch with you about that. It’s pretty amazing that you can see such a pronounced difference between how they handle stuff in relation to how you were handling stuff. It reminds me of what Jenny said too, where her oldest boy (from when she was more of a packrat) has packrat tendencies, but her youngest (when she was getting into minimalism) doesn’t seem as attached to possessions. There’s something to be explored there for sure.
Tanja – please do get in touch – you have my e-mail. I wanted to share something else with you, that has struck me just today when I left a comment over at Minimalist Mom about decluttering Kids toys. This week I purged my Sons room (second born – who has come with me on my simplification journey from 9 months old) – no problem – a nice large bag donated to local playgroup, another large bag given to a friend as hand me downs for her son. Lot’s of other things disposed off – easy peasy! My Daughter’s (First born of a packrat) room, not so easy! The Hubby had to make me do it, in fact we did it today and he kept coaxing until I addressed certain items. It is almost as though I am stuck in a time warp, my Daughter’s items are harder emotionally to part with. I read that the longer you keep something the more sentiment you attach – common sense I suppose – or is it that at the time they came into our lives/home my packrat tendencies heaped a whole load of importance on the item which hasn’t happened with my second born’s stuff as I’d detached from my hoarding instinct?… so even now my improved habits aren’t filtering through to my first born to their full potential as I still struggle to let go. Drop me a line Hun! Jo
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I really need to know how to gently request that people stop buying him stuff. Birthday & Christmas time is horrible for us. I don’t mind him getting a couple of new toys, but 15 or 20 new toys sometimes more? That’s massive over-kill. This past Christmas I gave all the kids in my husband’s family hot chocolate. And my family’s kids didn’t get any because we never made time to get together, and I didn’t have the money to mail it to them. It wasn’t on purpose, but now I’m hopeful they will all be so put off next year that they don’t give him anything. Is that awful of me?
Ideas for me to give other people’s kids would be great too. So that I don’t contribute to clutter in anyone else’s home.
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Too funny Jennifer!
Not awful at all. You’re in that stage where you’re wanting a change so bad you’re making it happen. Sometimes that’s what it takes! I love your hot cocoa story.
Kids gifts, holidays, birthdays and grandparents are showing up as some of the biggest issues for many people. I believe that section is going to be a good series of chapters in the book! I also like the clutter-free gift ideas for other people’s kids. That’s something I haven’t thought of before. I did make an all ages list of 35 clutter free gift ideas a while back. Check it out if you want. :)
I AGREE!!!
I can see that kids only want you to play with them. They want a cardboard box to push their imagination and pretend they’re a robot or in a car… :)
My kids? not getting anything until they are old enough to know what they have. babies don’t know what they’re playing with, nor do they care.
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Hey Serena,
Do you have kids or are you talking in the future tense? If you do, I didn’t know that about you!
Yeah those cardboard boxes are the true treasures. Ask anyone under 10 years old. Ask any cat you know too! Who needs Baby Einstein toys when you’ve got a cardboard box!
I think one issue I would like to see addressed (because it most affected my cluttered existence as a child and young adult) is the emotional aspect- kids internalize attitudes (anthropomorphizing toys, feeling things that could conceivably be needed must be kept, linking keeping a memento with showing someone your love) from a very young age. There is a such a hard-to-find, delicate balance between respecting your kid’s individuality (like allowing them to keep a collection and not throwing their things away without their permission) with modeling and encouraging healthy behaviors around possessions. Because our entire culture bombards us with unhealthy ideas about possessions from such a young age, extra care needs to be taken at home, but without making it something stressful for the child.
“Anthropomorphizing toys, feeling things that could conceivably be needed must be kept, linking keeping a memento with showing someone your love) from a very young age.”
Lisa. You and I must have been twins.
You just hit on the heart of the matter. In most situations it’s how caregivers teach children to interact with things that develops their behavior towards things. This for me is what the crux of the book is going to be about. It’s not so much about “now take 10 things and donate them”. It’s about learning tips for how to teach children how to interact with their things.
I was JUST like what you describe. I had friends but I spent a lot of time in my room with my other “friends” meaning my dolls, stuffed animals and everything else. I also saved “memories” from each trip to the circus, each trip to the beach, each trip anywhere I went I wanted a physical souvenir of the experience. How I related with things was stronger than how I related with people. That’s the crux of the issue. I was taught (and many kids today are taught the same thing) that “stuff” was important, that saving “memories” was important, that when I felt sad a new “thing” would make me feel better.
This is the heavy duty deep down dirt on kids clutter, and this is what I want to explore in the book. Sometimes it may take the guise of “let’s play the 10 thing toss out game” but it’s all going to be about parents teaching their children that stuff isn’t as important as family, friends, relationships, self-esteem, curiosity, imagination and adventure.
Thank you for sharing this Lisa. It really helped me get my thoughts wrapped around the content of the book even better.
I will admit I didn’t read all of your comments, but I just finished up a book called Simpliciy Parenting and it’s got GREAT info about decluttering for your kids… both physical environment and schedules. :)
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that makes a lot of sense
am glad someone made that point clear
keep it up :)
I just couldn’t leave your website before saying that we really enjoyed the useful information you offer to your visitors… Will be back soon to check up on new stuff you post!
Something about working with different personalities would be good to include.
I have identical twin boys – one is packrat and one is a tidy kid.
The packrat forms emotional attachments with just about everything, the tidy one less so (just don’t try to part him from his Star Wars collection!).
The packrat also has some sensory integration/processing issues and feels the need for a visually busy space, which his brother doesn’t. He will actually get scared and panicky if his room is too clear (i.e. about as tidy as I’d like it!). I’m working with him to find a middle ground – like using clear boxes to put his stuff in and leaving those boxes out in his room instead of stacking them all away in the wardrobe. We’re also going to shift him into a smaller bedroom so it takes less stuff to fill!
Oh, and one thing we’ve found really useful for keeping their acquisitive instincts under control – pocket money. We’ve gone from “I want! I want!” to “Do I have enough money for this?”. There can still be some upset when they need to keep saving a bit longer, but it’s made life a lot easier. We started it when they were about 4. It’s also a useful discipline tool – the old “if you break it, you buy the next one”…
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Just found this article http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/03/110303111615.htm about the relationship between feeling secure and having stuff. Something to think about with my dear little packrat, as he can come across as less secure than his brother.
verdant recently posted..A not-so-scary T Rex
Regarding helping your kids declutter, we sat down with each of them and pointed out that their closets were so full they couldn’t even get to many of their toys or put things away. It took a few sessions and a couple of years, but my packrat son (now 8) finally got it and can easily part with things he no longer uses. Now he actually uses all his stuff AND has empty space on his closet shelves! It helped that a) we made him part of the process and didn’t tell him what to get rid of, but rather let him think about what is really important to him and what was just in the way, and b) we let him see that my husband and I were regularly decluttering our own things and talking in front of him about passing along our things to people who could really use them.
My own parents were Organized Packrats, so when I was a kid I thought cleaning up meant putting things into piles!
Regarding the generous grandparents, my mother-in-law loves to shop and my kids are her only grandkids. Uh oh! She used to buy them so much stuff they never used but wouldn’t get rid of because “Grammy gave it to me!” so I had to finally take action. I let her know that the kids got overwhelmed by too much stuff and started sending her emails periodically to let her know what their interests were at the time (i.e. Legos, drawing, Wii, ballet, etc.) so she could have both the joy of gift giving as well as the joy of knowing they were actually using what she gave them. I also started periodically going through their clothes and letting her know what they needed, their current sizes, and what styles they like (dresses vs skirts vs leggings for my daughter, and cords vs jeans for me son, for example) so she could, as she says “keep and eye out for things”. Now I hardly ever have to shop for my kids and my mother in law is happy as a clam! Win win!
Love your blog, by the way. I am a recovering packrat trying to get to practical minimalism, so it is hugely helpful to me to hear about your journey. Thanks!
I believe packrating is in response to fear (comparing, competing, compensating, etc). The only way to free a child packrat from her stuff is Love. I have written on the subject. http://www.mychildsgardener.com/520/useful-beautiful-create-space-in-your-home/#more-520
Michelle Bross recently posted..How Do We Teach Our Children to Mind
Being a professional children’s entertainer (aka Silly Sparkles the clown) I agree with this post 110%!! It’s frustrating when parents expect me to be a balloon factory and move the line as fast as I can go – but they forget kids don’t want the balloon, they want to laugh!
I would like to say something about kids clutter:
My parents had us do family parties for birthdays and discouraged any collecting etc…
I have a hard time parting with things because my parents never taught me how to de-clutter.
They told me what I wanted to keep and didn’t want to keep, they didn’t let me choose what was special or not. I do remember wanting attention and time, but they didn’t spend the time talking to me and asking me questions and figuring me out. The did spend time talking to me, but they always already “knew everything about me”. As if they were the only experts on me and no one else was capable of being so. I spent a lot of time feeling lonely and trapped growing up. They outwardly did a lot of the things on the list, but they didn’t take the chance to talk to me and spend time with me before they made up there opinion about me. So please parents take the time to really listen to your child and ask lots of questions. They won’t want to talk to you if they don’t feel that it’s safe to talk to you. I was always worried that anything I said would be used against me later. Once I got a job and later moved out of my parents I went a little crazy with the stuff because FINALLY! I could choose my own stuff. I say be sure to spend time getting to know your little ones and teach them good principles and let the kids choose what to keep. I sometimes still have anxiety when I get to the half way point of organizing because that’s always when my dad would come in and force me to finish de-cluttering in 5 minutes. I never got to learn how to part with things of my own accord because I was forced to let go before it was even an issue. Now I’m taking loads of time learning how to let go as a wife and mother when I could have learned if I had been given the chance to do it myself when I was a kid. Sometimes it could take a VERY long time the first time, but if the child is allowed to take there time then next time they understand better and will be faster and faster, until it’s not an issue anymore.
Also be aware that some children have issues such as ADD and that can make the process more difficult for you and them. Just love them, ask them questions and listen, really listen for their answer, not your interpretation of what you think they meant, and let them go at their own pace.
I have 3 kids ages 5, 3 and almost 1 and we’re constantly dealing with this, not because we, their parents keep giving them stuff, but extended family feel a great need to shower them with the latest battery operated commercialized gizmo to show their love. We’ve had a few talks with family, and the stream of stuff has slowed, but so has the time they spend with the kids (I think they were a little offended that we would want our kids to focus on spending time with others rather than getting stuff from others). One thing that helped was my 5 year old daughter and I were looking at an Avon magazine in the doctor’s waiting room and she kept saying she wanted all of the pink things, then she asked me on almost every page what I wanted. I started to just pick one when it hit me that this was a critical teaching moment, so I said I didn’t want anything and that I already had enough stuff. This coupled with another experience when some friends from church gave her some beautiful church dresses when she had just outgrown hers. She was so happy and kept asking me why they gave that to her, I told her that they didn’t need it anymore and they knew she could use it. Shortly after all this she told me that she didn’t need all of her toys and packed up a large box of her stuff to give away to “friends” and we took her to Goodwill and let her give the person the box. She was so happy and almost bouncing, I could tell she felt good about helping someone else and not having nearly as much stuff to pick up when she cleaned her room. Soon after, her 3 year old brother got on board and they filled up ANOTHER box of stuff and helped donate it. Now cleaning their room is so much faster and they still get just as much enjoyment out of the toys they do have! I’m trying to set a good example of de-cluttering to keep this fire alive!
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Good day! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after going through many of the posts I realized it’s new to me.
Regardless, I’m definitely delighted I stumbled upon it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!
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I found your site by Googling “how to help your kids declutter”. Something to address in your book:
The problem with my kids’ clutter is ME. I am paralyzed when trying to help them deal with it. A large reason is that I have four, soon-to-be five, children, spaced 19 months to two years apart. How that translates into toy clutter is that we never outgrow stuff. Just when one child might be tiring of or outgrowing it, another child comes along who hits the stage where that item is enjoyable. I can’t make the decision to get rid of something that is in perfectly good condition when we still have children growing into playing with it.
On the other hand, each child still gets things for his/her birthday, so stuff is still coming in (though we recently had a super helpful conversation with one set of grandparents about this).
I’m sure someone is going to suggest boxing and rotating toys, and I’ve tried that with limited success. Again, the problem is me – keeping track of when it’s time to rotate, what is stored where, etc. Our new experiment is going to be letting them each choose one/set of toys (Legos, Polly Pockets, and baby dolls is what the three oldest chose) plus one building set (Tinker Toys, blocks, or Duplos) and box the rest for a week, with the goal being to practice keeping those things picked up. At the end of the week, we will either let them sub out a new toy or add a second toy to the mix, based on how well we’ve learned to pick up (meaning how well the parents have enforced, guided, and taught them — honestly, picking up their room overwhelms me, too!).
Now I’m rambling, I’m sorry. The first part about how to deal with toys for multiple age levels is the main thing I wanted to say.