“I cling to my imperfection, as the very essence of my being.” - Anatole France
I often write my posts after midnight when the sounds of the house have died down and it’s just me and the deep night left awake. Quietude and serenity come out to play after midnight and before 6 am. This week has been different though. I’ve been writing during the hurly-burly of the middle of the day because…. I’ve been working on the tiny house and I’ve been too tired to sneak in my late night or early morning writing time.
So today I share with you a hurly-burly post about embracing setbacks, those monumental disappointments in life when things just don’t unfold the way you want them to. Setbacks happen with decluttering, when you “slip” and accidentally go on a lavish shopping spree only to discover you’ve bought as much junk in one day as you decluttered in the last month. Setbacks happen on the journey to simplify, when you realize you just booked yourself into a permanent outside obligation for the next six months and you’re plan of “family time Saturdays” got pushed down the priority list again.
But you know what they say about setbacks. Or maybe it’s what I say :), you gotta keep ramming your head against the wall, you gotta keep pushing towards your vision, you gotta fearlessly create what you want…. and eventually you WILL create your ideal version of reality, even if your ideal version of reality is sometimes a compromise from the original plan.
My setback of the week is a little thing known as drywall. Ours is finally done. The problem? Texture.
Super Bronson is really super, but he’s not super at drywall. He announced a while back that he couldn’t perform the miracle of a perfectly smooth wall. Unless we wanted five times the expense, we were looking at a compromise. Enter a little texture into our lives.
My dream walls were minimalist smooth wonders, floating above a floor with no baseboards. Reality said we’d be getting something more budget friendly. I hesitantly poured over online samples and local samples of textured walls. I finally settled on the lightest of knockdowns as the smoothest and least obtrusive finish.
Light knockdown, when done correctly, can bring a subtle energy to a wall that I learned to appreciate. Yes there would be some pattern, the bane of my existence, but it would be so subtle as to be almost invisible. I could compromise. I could learn to live with that.
With the decision made, Bronson textured our walls on Friday. The problem is his idea of light texture and my idea of light texture are in totally different stratospheres of existence. After Bronson worked his magic our tiny house looks like a Jackson Pollock painting on a bad day…. which for a minimalist is pretty damn frickin’ bad. :)
I’ve spent the weekend alternating between crying my red, gypsum dust-filled eyes out and sanding every square inch of wall and ceiling in an attempt to mitigate the damages.
But dwelling in a place of negativity never serves a person. You gotta rise above. So what am I doing? Well, I’m taking the action step of sanding. I’m also taking the action of learning to live with my new Jackson Pollock walls. I’m telling myself to release the quest for perfection and embrace a little wabi-sabi in my life.
WTF is wabi-sabi? Ah. I’m glad you asked.
“Wabi sabi acknowledges three things: nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished.” – Richard Powell
Wabi-sabi is a Japanese art of appreciating the imperfections in an object, relishing the worn paint on a wall, marveling at the crack in an old wooden beam, accepting the chip in your favorite vase. It is discovering the imperfect perfectness of life.
To me it is also a mediation on life. Through life there are mountain peaks of ecstatic joy, there are sandstorms of pain, there are oceans of accomplishment, and quiet sunsets when life fades and you’re left with creaky knees. Life is wabi-sabi. Life is imperfect perfection. And so is my drywall. I will not pay someone else to strip it down and re-do it. I will live with my wabi-sabi walls. I will love my wabi-sabi walls. I will appreciate their lesson, beckoning me to release the vision of a “perfect” life and instead I will dance with joy in front of their splotchy facade.
Simple Living Challenge
This week, relax on one thing you’ve been trying to get perfect. Learn to accept it for how it is.
What Says You?
What have you been railing against in your life? Where have you been pushing against the tide, refusing to give up a vision of perfection? Is it worth the fight to get it perfect? Or will a little wabi-sabi serve you better?
I like this idea. I think that, as with all things, there is a happy balance to be struck between striving for perfection (knowing that you won’t reach it but striving nonetheless), and this idea of just accepting and enjoying a thing’s imperfection.
I’m going to love my wab-sabi knees and my wabi-sabi … odd, I can’t think of anything else. Things are clearly not that bad :)
Michael | greenminimalist.net recently posted..Actually- maybe I do want to work
Who am I kidding? I’m going to love my wabi-sabi gutted flat and wabi-sabi ailing phone as well ^.^
Michael | greenminimalist.net recently posted..Actually- maybe I do want to work
And your wabi-sabi internet connection too right?
It’s almost like a form of meditation for me. I know there are a lot articles out on wabi-sabi, and I just skimmed the surface with this one, as most of the others do to. It is said that wabi-sabi can’t be explained in words, it must be experienced. I think that is so true.
I ran into the concept many years ago and I’ve been practicing (and I do mean practicing) it since then. Somewhere hidden inside the concept is a balance point between apathy and striving for perfection at great costs. I’m still working on that balance point but every once in a while I get a little glimpse of it. :)
Totally. It’s something I definitely need to read more about!
I understand your disappointment. I probably would have reacted the same way. Accepting imperfection and setbacks with grace is something I struggle with all the time. I am better than I used to be, but it is still not easy for me.
I read a great article about wabi sabi awhile ago and it helped change my perspective on things and life in general. I still struggle with carrying this perspective into my daily life. I have perfectionist tendencies and in the past I have made myself very unhappy obsessing over details because they did not fit my original vision. The Wabi Sabi perspective comes very easily to my husband who seems natualrally able to accept imperfections as a part of life. He is starting to rub off on me – a little. I have had to really work on embracing the idea that just because things are “off” does not mean that they are worthless – it doesn’t mean it needs to be scrapped.
I know you will still be able to enjoy your awesome tiny house when it is finished!
jaime recently posted..im back
Hi darling Jaime,
Living in a state of grace is not my strong suit. I am slowly learning to bend my inner fire like a willow… but it’s slow going. Just like you it’s the perfectionist tendencies that get in my way.
And just like Dan, Patrick is walking wabi-sabi incarnate. He flows with life, he flows with bad drywall.
Do you have a link to the article you read? I’d love to take a peek at it. (And yes, we will truly enjoy our awesome tiny house, weird drywall and all!)
Wabi-sabi. I like the sound of that. I never really thought about texture on drywall. The last drywall I had any control over I did myself (however imperfectly) and I bragged about every single imperfection cause I did that sucker myself lol!
Sometimes when things don’t go exactly to plan you just have to laugh and move on. And use a little sanding paper once in a while.
Hang in there!
Annie
Annie recently posted..Rolling With Changes
Hey Annie,
Always the voice of reason! My previous drywall is why I wanted this to be done well. I did the drywall in our bathroom in Arkansas all on my very own and it was very imperfect. I covered up my bad seams with tons of textured goop that you add to paint. It gathered dust like no tomorrow, which is why I was looking forward to some good drywall now!
Thanks for your kind words. I am laughing, moving on, and definitely going through a lot of sandpaper!
I love the concept of wabi sabi. To me, the most powerful aspect of the concept is appreciating the imperfections, not simply accepting them. I’m trying to do this more with the people in my life, to truly appreciate them, even their imperfections, and not to simply accept them.
Jason @ Stop & Breathe recently posted..Six Steps To A Minimalist iPhone or Smart Phone
Hi Jason,
How funny, I was just over at your blog leaving a comment on your wonderment post. You must have been over here around the same time I was over there. :) It’s funny when synchronicities happen like that.
Ah, you noticed the word accept. I did use the word appreciate earlier in the post. For me, someone who struggles with wabi-sabi, I’ve found that sometimes acceptance comes first, and then appreciation slowly filters in to replace the acceptance.
You are a wabi-sabi master. I am just an apprentice. :)
How about meditating while you sand down those walls to achieve your dream space? I know what its like to see that small imperfection day after day because it will never be what you wanted. ask yourself if you can live a life time of wabi-sabi?
I weighed it heavily all weekend (while I sanded, cried and tried to meditate). At one point I was firing Bronson in my mind. In another I was seeing him as another soul traveling through life with his own trials and tribulations (much heavier ones than I have ever born on my shoulders). At other points I was hiring a top drywall finisher to replace the whole thing.
In this case, because we are so over-budget on the project, I will be living with those wabi-sabi walls. This tiny house isn’t our forever home. If it was my forever home those walls would be coming down!
Well, I’ve always liked the concept of wabi-sabi, but I will admit to being unable to really get into it. Sure, with small things, but anything big just bugs the hell out of me. And seriously, textured walls can kiss my ass. When we moved into our house ten years ago, all the ceilings were popcorn with sparkles and I was so aghast. WTF indeed. I think I have to embrace wabi sabi judiciously; if it’s really horrible, it’s got to go, if not, I can calm my mind enough to be okay with it. I still think your tiny house is going to be gorgeous, wabi sabi walls and all!
Terra@TheSimplePoppy recently posted..Ripping a Kitchen and Discovering that Minimalism Doesnt Actually Mean No Organizing
Hi Terra,
I did an interesting experiment that helped. Our neighbor just redid her whole home 6 months ago. I toured it when it was done and loved it. Bronson had worked on that project too and he mentioned the texture on her walls (a different person did the texturing there). When I’d toured her house I hadn’t noticed the texture at all.
I went back over there and asked her to let me look at her texture. It was worse than mine! She got just a few large random round blobs here and there on the walls. It was supposed to be orange peel but wasn’t even close. The fact that I hadn’t even noticed the texture on my first tour let me know that it really will blend in…. plus I read if you just keep slapping on coats of paint the texture will soften. I might have a hundred coats of paint by the time I’m done!
p.s. I remember those popcorn ceilings from the house I grew up in…. yikes! My texture ain’t that bad. :)
The coats of paint work! My childhood bedroom was done completely in popcorn texture so rough that I once scraped my arm on it as a kid and it drew blood! but in my high school years I repainted it practically every time my mood changed. I think I changed the color(s) four times in four years. Now they are a vivid turquoise and smooth enough that you can’t tell how horrible (and painful!) they once were.
This post was perfect timing for me, by the way. I just moved into my first apartment without roommates two days ago, and I love everything about it but the seriously plastered walls. This bad:
http://i55.tinypic.com/317fujr.png
I was seriously upset about it, but one of my friends stopped by to see my new place and the first thing she said as she walked in the door was “The walls are so BEAUTIFUL!” She actually went up to one and started rubbing her hands (and face!) against it because she loved the texture so much. So while the plaster doesn’t quite fit with my minimalist aesthetic, I am trying to see the beauty my friend saw in them…I’ll get there eventually I hope.
Hey Taylor,
Your photo of your new walls cracked me up! Now that’s some serious texture… though I can’t tell exactly how close the shot is.
I drew blood on my new walls as well. I kept scraping my knuckle on the wall as I sanded. Now (except for the ceiling) they are smooth enough to not draw blood at least!
That’s awesome that your friend loves your new walls. I bet you learn to love their wabi-sabi texture too!
Ooooh, this is wonderful. I have heard the concept before, but the way you describe it really makes it accessible to me. I have pondered this for several minutes since reading your post, and I think I kind of already practice this, but without a name? I’ve never been a perfectionist, and I’m usually pretty satisfied with whatever I end up with, when it’s something I’m working on, myself. (imperfect purchases are another issue; I can be pretty hard on myself for making a bad purchase, but I usually can console myself that I was operating the best I could with the choices and knowledge at hand).
I had completely forgotten about textured walls. When we were planning our tiny-house-that-never-was, we were saying we’d rather see drywall seams than have texture, too. So, I feel your pain!
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Hi Liina,
I’m glad it resonated with you! I’ve been working through a perfectionist streak of mega proportions for a few years now and the concept of wabi-sabi really gripped me. It is a way of thinking that I just keep working towards and it has really helped my life.
first…it was fun running into you at mike’s rv. manatee fritter cracks me up!
i love how you’ve related your walls to the concept of wabi sabi. i first read the book years ago in a little bookstore…always browsing in books….and i found ‘wabi-sabi for artists, designers, poets and philosophers.’ maybe you’ve also read it? the author is leonard koren.
i think your walls will be beautiful with just a light texture. actually, i prefer it… not the kind that looks like they smeared thick mud. but just the subtle texture. i always think of the cool, adobe walls in the little inns in taos or santa fe. the light plays well on them and it all seems very earthy and more real than perfectly smooth white walls. and btw, i love your poetry. it is simply beautiful…as i’m suspecting your spirit is. (can’t help but mother here… DON’T be breathing too much of that dust!!!!) hey – and i really appreciated the idea of wabi sabi in people too…as jason said in his comment above. i had never thought about it just that way. thanks jason!!!
Hi Tammy,
I haven’t read Leonard’s book but I’m going to see if my library has it. Thanks for recommending it! I think I first ran into the concept in some Zen books I read a few years ago, I really can’t remember, I just know the concept resonated with me.
It’s funny. I’ve always wanted to build with straw bale and I think my dream home will be made of it. Those walls will have texture for sure, but it will be earthy and real, plaster is so different from drywall mud. It makes a space feel alive. I’ve been to Santa Fe and love those adobe walls you find there.
Mothering: I wore a scarf over my face. I didn’t wear goggles though (couldn’t see well enough through the plastic).
Hey Tanja – I know from experience that when reality doesn’t meet our (oftentimes) lofty expectations, the disappointment can be crushing. I would like to say that I’m a recovering perfectionist, but I’m not quite on the other side of it yet.
Like Patrick, Kirk is a walking, talking wabi-sabi and that really helps, but my firey ways still roar more often than I’d like. I saw so much of myself in this post!
I’m so sorry that the textured walls didn’t meet your original smooth and seamless vision. Hopefully with time, you’ll come to overlook/accept/appreciate the walls as the quiet background to what the tiny house really represents for you at this point in your life.
You’ve made a lot of compromises by moving to Florida to live with Patrick’s mom, and this sounds like one more life lesson on compromise for you to experience. By the time this adventure is over, you’ll be the wabi-sabi queen!
Jenny @ exconsumer recently posted..Memories that Appreciate & Tiny Beach Vacation Rentals
Hey Jenny,
I sound like such a princess whining about walls when there are people experiencing true hardships. :) But I think many of us have a little princess inside of us that comes out at times. I almost didn’t publish this post because it is a touch on the whiny side, but I really appreciated the wabi-sabi flavoring of the post so I decided to hit the submit button. We’re onto the painting now (I’m taking a 5 minute break because it’s so darn hot) and the princess is receding as the walls turn whiter.
Hey maybe we need to start a support group for recovering perfectionists. :)
A little wine is fine. Oh, wait..you said Whine. :)
Although I didn’t find this post to be particularly whiney, I know I can get a little whiney at times too Tanja. Sometimes when writing I’ll struggle with whether to be real, or present myself as an unwavering ball of sunshine. I’ve decided that for me, I’ll go with the occasional realness (whininess) of being human.
I’m sure the 500 coats of white paint will bring out the smoothness hiding in your walls. ;)
The support group: Yes! Maybe we could call it the Fight to Write Club that Poops on Perfectionism?
Jenny @ exconsumer recently posted..Memories that Appreciate & Tiny Beach Vacation Rentals
Ooh, yes, please include me in your recovering perfectionists club!
Tanja I didn’t think you were whiney at all. It may not be a “forever” house, but it’s your home, and we live in the moment (or try to!). I’m glad that you sanded. I’m also glad that you’ve moved on to painting. When it’s all done you’ll love your little hideaway. If the walls still drive you crazy at that point, then grab a friend, some wine, and a couple of sanding blocks, and have a wall-party.
Thanks for publishing your honest post.
K.D. recently posted..The beauty out here
Hi K.D.
The walls are getting whiter! More coats go on tomorrow. :)
I will absolutely love my little hideaway. It’s going to be perfect, and I’m already envisioning myself dancing in front of those wabi-sabi walls!
An unwavering ball of sunshine. I love that Jenny!
I’ve been bashing my head into immovable objects most of my life, Tanya. At some point a small light bulb came on, shedding a little light on the fact that I don’t control everything in my life. Truth be told, there is precious little that is under my direct control, Learning to live with what is, has been a major step in my psychological evolution. How does that thing go: “Lord, grant me the strength to change the things I can, the patience to live with those I can’t and the wisdom to know the difference.” Or something like that.
I’m sorry your walls did not come out the way you wanted. Perfectly smooth, flat walls are indeed a time consuming, labor intensive prospect. I do hope you are able to arrive at a compromise that you can be happy with.
Allan Douglas recently posted..Lost in the Woods
Hey Darling Allan,
And you are a wiser soul than me. You’re also a much better carpenter than me. :)
Perfectly smooth walls are a labor of love. I’m well aware of that after my initial do-it-myself drywall attempt many years ago. And Bronson was up front about the time it would take… he estimated 3 weeks to finish them out perfect. We chose the less expensive texture option I just wasn’t expecting the texture to be so shoddy. I’ve seen textured walls done the right way and the wrong way before. This was the wrong way.
I’m not a Christian lady as you know, but I’m happy to borrow faiths, and the lord has indeed granted me serenity on the matter. I am grateful and awed that I am in a position in life to have a tiny house constructed, and I will adore, appreciate, and relish those walls for many years to come!
First of all, let me express my envy for your tiny house project! I’ve been wanting to do this myself for YEARS, but alas, my life situation precludes such a move at this time. But for now, I just want to remind you to not let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Best of luck — you’re doing great!
Bethany recently posted..In Praise of Boredom
Hi Bethany,
How did I not know about you before? I just went over to your blog and I’ve got a feeling there’s some reading for me to do! Type A Minimalist indeed. Very cute name. Everyone, go check out Bethany.
And Jenny, you’ve been holding out on me because I see you’ve already been over there commenting!
Perfectly imperfect is my motto of the week. I’ll be using it extensively as we get into all of the finishing details!
Maybe like clutter you could put what to do with the walls “away” for six months. After six months see how you feel. Are the walls as bad as you first thought, or have they disappeared into the background and you can let it go?
Hi Amy,
By the time I wrote this post (Sunday afternoon) I had already worked through the disappointment and moved on to delight that the project is almost completed. Plus sanding all day Saturday and Sunday helped a lot.
I thought it would be an interesting post to share with people, about how to overcome disappointment and setbacks with a shift in mindset. So I’ve got a feeling 6 months from now those walls of mine are gonna be just fine (in my mind at least). :)
Wabi sabi! Sounds like something a ninja would say. I have heard if before & love it!
I am sure your dry walls will come to represent something that makes you happy. I know this. I am grateful for many of life’s little spanners that have been thrown in the works, they reveal to you little facets of your personality you may not otherwise have seen.
I know how you feel, I am SUCH a perfectionist and would do well to take a step back from things at times and just say, screw it. What will be will be, and draw from my inner happiness!
Hey Mia,
“Life’s little spanners.” I like that! I haven’t heard the word spanners before but I get the gist of the meaning. Is that an Aussie thing?
I’m always looking for the deeper meaning in every situation, and drywall is no different! Life’s little spanners help us evolve and develop our relationships with life. I once had a sage old chickista tell me, “Tanja, sometimes your car just breaks down. Sometimes it’s not a sign from the universe.”
I still like to think each little experience is a sign from the universe though, and this sign is definitely one about flowing with outcomes and releasing that stubborn perfectionist streak!
p.s. You’re officially inaugurated into the perfectionist recovery support group… though the name is still being decided on. :)
Bahahaha! :) I didnt realize that was an only Australian saying, although it wouldnt surprise me – we tend to make up names for things a lot. I think a spanner is like a monkey wrench. The saying “to throw a spanner in the works” means, to have something unexpected introduced to a proceedings which makes all your plans come undone. So there you go, one more phrase for you to use if you ever come to Australia!
Sometimes, shit just happens. I have trouble getting my head around it myself, so I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes you can drive yourself nuts looking for a hidden meaning! I guess sometimes its best just to throw up your hands, and decide that this situation came along to help you learn patience!
I love colloquialisms so I’ll be adding spanners to my list. My father was much older than normal when he had me, so I got all these great words from him like lollygagging, galavanting, cahoots, and balderdash. Spanners fits right in!
Sometimes shit does simply happen. I think that’s what ol’ Gladys was telling me all those years ago. But hey, I’ve minimized all my tarot cards so at least I’m not actively searching for all those “hidden meanings” anymore. Uh… except I still have one teeny tiny pendulum hanging around. :)
True to form, I am wabi-sabi-ish. :) I call myself OCDADD because I’m only a perfectionist in certain areas, whereas in others I have a “whatever” attitude. It’s completely random (I think?) & it’s constantly puzzling my husband.
My grandfather & uncle were plasterers. One room in our house had a very rough ceiling & my uncle wrote things in the plaster. The words were really difficult to find & as a kid I would lay on the floor looking for them. I would also find shapes of animals & people that weren’t really there, kind of like looking at clouds. But, walls that draw blood? No thanks. After all of your hard work sanding, many layers of paint, plus bringing in & arranging your things, I bet you will hardly notice the imperfections. It’s going to be beautiful!
Elle Dougherty recently posted..The Fresh Princess
Hey Elle,
You would be wabi-sabiish, just like your minimalistish. It’s fitting! How neat that your uncle wrote hidden messages in the plaster. Now I’m curious about what the words were!
Walls that draw blood. It’s sort of like a title for a horror story. I bet it would have to be a short story though… These walls have been tamed now and all their rough edges are softened. No more blood letting!
Ive never heard the phrase (word?) Wabi Sabi before, but am certainly familiar with the concept of something’s (or someone’s) defects being or becomingendearing. Nice post, Tanja!
Mike | Homeless On Wheels recently posted..Successful Shopping- Counterfeit Condiments
Hey Mike,
It’s technically two separate words with their own individual meanings. They’re often paired together now… but that’s a bigger conversation on wabi-sabi than will fit here in the comments!
Endearing defects. I love it. :)
Man Oh Man, Tanja I can’t tell you how perfect this post is for me today. It’s day seven of my 30 for 30 challenge, and the first day I didn’t manage to meet my goal. I felt like a total failure (okay a little extreme but I felt really disappointed…..since it’s only day 7). But your right…..I am saying Wabi-sabi and getting up tomorrow to try again! Thanks for the encouragement and realization that setbacks are a part of life.
Laura recently posted..Sing A Happy Song
Now Laura,
What’s the 30 for 30 challenge? I’m guessing toss 30 things for 30 days but I could be wrong!
You just wabi-sabi yourself right into a better day for day 8 of your challenge. You can do it! One slip ain’t the end of the world.
It just a small little challenge I issued to myself. 30 for 30, to offset my lack of physical activity. Thanks for the encouragement, managed to role out of be at 5AM (thanks to my better half) and hit the gym. I feel like now I can conquer the world :)
Laura recently posted..Sing A Happy Song
Ahhh, I went and checked it out Laura. I need some serious 30 for 30 in my life! My mantra has been, “Once the tiny house is done, once the tiny house is done.” :)
You go conquer the universe girl! 5 am indeed. :)
This was timely for me to read as we just finished up a big garage sale, Goodwill haul and I had my “setback” at my own garage sale. I really love the meaning of “wabi-sabi”–LOVE IT!
xxBliss
Bliss recently posted..confessions of a sad little minimalist wannabe
Hey Bliss,
Your setback was a perfect one though! I take that as discovering treasures in your own garage. :)
What a great site you have here! I’m an aspiring minimalist and I love your tiny home project! The idea of wabi-sabi is something I need to learn to practice too! I’m a new reader here so can’t wait to delve into the archive to see what great posts I’ve missed! Keep up the good work!
TheMinimalOne recently posted..Back in business
Hi Minimal One,
Glad you like it! I just subscribed to your rss so I can keep up with you. :) Enjoy the archives, there’s a lot to read here!
:) But I think many of us have a little princess inside of us that comes out at times. Nice post, Tanja! I know this.
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(imperfect purchases are another issue; I can be pretty hard on myself for making a bad purchase, but I usually can console myself that I was operating the best I could with the choices and knowledge at hand). and btw, i love your poetry.
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